I’m not raising "good girls”….

I recently attended a parents evening for my daughter who is in reception (I’m still not sure how she is 5!). The teacher began the conversation by sharing what a good girl she is, how she always does as she is told, and that she thinks about others ahead of herself. Although in many ways it was lovely to hear, it triggered a feeling of discomfort in me. It was the feedback I had received as a child, the social systems that we live within always tell us to be the “good girl”, to conform and not to make mistakes. Through my own coaching development journey, I now know this to be called the ‘good girl syndrome.’

The teacher went on to explain, however, that what she loves about Emilia is that she is constantly dancing, has a rebel streak and a creative spirit, and enjoys being a joker. If only that had been the opening narrative!

So, are you tired of being perceived as a “good girl”? Does this resonate with you?

I work with many high performing successful women with strong internal drives. Women who are constantly pushing for more in their careers and life. When approaching me for coaching they often share their drive has gone too far and by continuing to push themselves to realise the ideal of the good girl, they are actually pushing against themselves, creating exhaustion and overwhelm.

5 deeply ingrained patterns I often hear (I know these well, as for a big part of my life I was the good girl too):

1.       Deep down they never feel good enough.

2.       Fear of rejection and failure - if they stop pushing themselves, they will lose their identity, self-esteem, status.

3.       Looking for constant outside validation.

4.       Avoiding conflict at all costs.

5.       Say yes to keep the peace when we really want to say no.

What is important to recognise is by constantly pushing yourself for more and putting others needs first, these are survival mechanisms that provides us with a level of safety. So, if we stop pushing, then what?

I work with women to break their “good girl” patterns and to connect with and express their true authentic beautiful selves. It all starts with mindset shifts:

-          Turning feeling not good enough, into I am more than enough.

-          Moving from yes to no - learning to say no with love, so as not to disappoint yourself.

-          Reframing conflict to discussion and collaboration.

-          Being your own champion and never putting yourself last.

-          Moving from never expressing what you want to knowing what it is you want!

I will leave you with a thought – You can be a high performer and no longer be the good girl.

I want this for you. You know where to find me for a chat.

Charlotte