Do you fear asking for help?

What comes up for you? That you are weak, you don’t deserve it, somebody else will take control, the timing isn’t right.

You are so much more capable than most - deep down you know this!

You have evidence to back this up, when you have really put your mind to something it worked out.

You have amazing skills, inner drive and determination.

So why do you feel stuck?

Do you find yourself often challenging your worth, regularly comparing yourself to other, telling yourself everyone is better than you, more experienced, more knowledgeable, more capable.

The soundtrack from Matilda which has been on repeat in my kitchen for the last 12 months, holds so much inspiration. (I really recommend you watch it if you haven’t already. It is not only funny but holds a lot of truths for life!)

So…here we go again another school year has arrived. Thank you summer of 2023 for wonderful family time, filled with travel and adventures.

When I reflect on the early years of my career, I believed I had a lot of energy.

If you asked anyone what I was known for they would have said organised and a high capacity to get a lot done.

I would work long hours, travel over weekends, ignore the jet lag. I was always busy. At times it was a lot of fun and I learnt a lot. I was getting positive results, this would spur me on and I thought energised me more.

How much time do you spend trying to convince people of your point of view?

We are all different, yet it can feel uncomfortable and frustrating in the moment, when others don’t get your point of view - family, work colleagues, friends.

It is tough!

Refresh…. refresh

Still no reply.

You spent ages crafting that email to your boss, updating her on the project you have been working on. It has been 24 hours since you sent it.

You notice you feel uncomfortable.

You start to challenge yourself. Was it not good enough, did you not deliver on the project brief, was it overlay wordy?

Here is a simple tool on why as humans we behave the way we do.

As children we unconsciously create a set of rules, of how the world works and how we should behave within it. We look to our caregivers, the key adults in our lives to see how they interact, connect with each other and respond to how we behave.

If we want to be useful, impactful, and effective inside complex organisations and situations, it can help to worry less about fitting in, confirming and maintaining a sense of belonging.

By staying small, safe and protecting our own self-interests everything stays the same. To enable change, somebody needs to be willing to have a different perspective, be prepared to challenge, bring conversations back to the ‘why we are doing this’, sometimes say no.

If you are really honest with yourself, does this resonate:

- You feel lost and frustrated;

- Your wings are being clipped;

- Your values are not aligned with the values of your organisation;

- You have a deep routed feeling that there is more that you have been put on this planet to do.

For many it is seen as a time of renewal, abundance and growth. Celebrating the solstice can provide an opportunity for reflection, setting intentions and embracing the positive energy and possibilities for the next 6 months.

A growing part of my practice is walking sessions with my clients, in the many city parks and green spaces across London. Even with international clients where we are unable to physically meet, we still coach outside, we put in our headphones and walk and talk, no matter the weather.

I often hear from clients there is nothing like getting out in nature, moving to clear the mind, refocus thoughts and gain a fresh perspective.

I was raised to be modest, not to boast.

It was okay to be successful but not to shout too loudly about my accomplishments.

From my experience of working with a diverse spectrum of women, I regularly hear similar narratives. I don’t want to play the corporate game. I hate how egos show up at work. I cringe at the thought of boasting about my accomplishments.

When did being busy become a badge of honour?

How many times when somebody asks, “how are you?”, do you respond with “busy”. Life is so busy, don’t ask, or I am surviving. Or it may not be what you say, but just the way that you respond that gives the impression you are busy.

As it is international coaching week I wanted to take the opportunity to thank the incredible female coaches who I have been very lucky to have been coached by. Each have very different styles, unique strengths and passions, but all have significantly influenced - and continue to impact - my life journey, how I show up as a leader, as a mum and as the coach I am today.

During discussions with coaching clients, I am hearing a trend, where people are grappling with two or more opposing emotions simultaneously and assuming that there needs to be a dominant (often positive) emotion at any one time.

It is linked with the belief that certain emotions are wrong or unacceptable. Causing those emotions to be suppressed, bypassed or ignored.

I recently attended a parents evening for my daughter who is in reception (I’m still not sure how she is 5!). The teacher began the conversation by sharing what a good girl she is, how she always does as she is told, and that she thinks about others ahead of herself. Although in many ways it was lovely to hear, it triggered a feeling of discomfort in me.

As spring approaches, I have been struck by the number of conversations I have been having with people around me who want something different. Not small changes or life tweaks, but a deep-routed change. Dreaming big, wanting more from life than they are currently experiencing.

On paper everything looks great. The title, good job, nice home, great friends, a happy family. However, there is a feeling of being stuck, that something is missing, and a strong yearning for something to happen and life to be different.

Relationships are hard. We can all name relationships that we find more difficult than others. Those relationships that we spend a lot of time considering, playing over in our head how the next conversation will go, only to be disappointed and frustrated when it doesn’t go the way we hoped.